If I let the crazy person in my head run my mouth it would sound similar to this.

I am insecure and judgmental. I wish I didn’t feel as dark about other people. I wish I didn’t see a salmon short guy with an awesome tattoo and feel that he isn’t entitled to it. And I wish I didn’t see the girl in high-waisted acid-washed jeans sporting her plastic-framed glasses with lenses the size of dinner plates feel annoyed. But I do. I would hate that guy with the Kokopelli face tattoo.

We know this to be true
Everything is difficult except what’s in front of you
But it’s complicated even under your nose
Bullshit math equations
Your highs and your lows

And your manic depression
It comes and it goes
Your parasympathetic nervous system reacts
And you’re in fight or flight mode

How’s the world so small when the world is so large?
And what made the world
Could I please speak to who’s in charge?
Everything is real
But it’s also just as fake
From your daughter’s birthday party
To your grandmother’s wake

And your bipolar illness
It comes and it goes
Your parasympathetic nervous system reacts
And you’re in fight or flight mode

I’ve tried to know which words to sing so many times
I tried to know which chord to play
And I tried to make it rhyme
I tried to find the key that all good songs are in
And I tried to find that notes to make that great, resounding din
But there’s a bad man in everyone
No matter who we are
There’s a rapist and a Nazi living in our tiny hearts
Child pornographers and cannibals, and politicians too
There’s someone in your head waiting to fucking strangle you

So here’s to you Mrs. Robinson
People love you more
Oh nevermind
In fucking fact Mrs. Robinson
The world won’t care whether you live or die
In fucking fact Mrs. Robinson
They probably hate to see your stupid face
So here’s to you Mrs. Robinson
You live in an unforgiving place

But we live in a tough place. And we are surrounded by people living on autopilot who are untroubled with how judgmental they are. Does my awareness make me lucky or miserable. Both?

I need constant maintenance to bring my best, which is patience and generosity with others and myself. If I have said unkind words to others they pale at what I have inflicted on myself. Knowing there are others trying to do their best gives me a little more energy to keep trying too. But I’m not trying to not hate. I’m trying to see that everyone has their own burdens. They are just different from mine, but that doesn’t make them any more or less trying.

Nobody knows everything. I certainly don’t. I know I will see AJJ Sunday the 25th at 430pm at the Elliot stage at MPMF.