allthenamesaretakensothisisreallyreallylong

April 21, 2019
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I Am Overwhelmed With Italy Pictures

Ok. So, I have 1600 pictures from the Italy trip after deleting duplicates and just obviously bad shots. The thought of doing the best editing this collection really deserves makes me break out in a cold sweat.

In addition to the picture problem, I am also drowning in what to say about what we experienced. I really don’t have the words. Every single day was amazing in it’s own particular way. My eyes were drowning in beauty either in the artwork or the architecture or the landscape. And now, I need to hang paltry words around it.

In the interests of starting somewhere, here I am. In Florence.

The pictures below were from our first full day in Italy after a tremendously needed 12 hours of sleep, which banished our jet lag. We went to the Uffizi in the morning and the Galileo museum in the afternoon.

The Uffizi was incredible. I was like walking inside an art history book. I’m not going to try and describe it and just point you to a good link if you want to know a bit more about the museum and it’s most famous works. Just know that loads of famous paintings are in there, and all the décor around the paintings is just as magnificent as the paintings themselves.

I have so much more to say, but I just don’t have the mental bandwidth to say it right now. But! These are only half the pictures from our first day. The second half will be for the next blog post. There I might find the words explain how I fell in love with Caravaggio or I might talk about how freaking weird it is that the have Galileo’s appendages on display.

Ponte Vecchio at night

This place had amazing chocolate, but also great coffee.

More science.

Science and stuff in the Galileo Museaum.

I’m Bacchus bitches. This was so, so lovely. This was step two in the process of turning me into a Caravaggio fan.

This is a wretched picture. It was packed in there with people and selfie sticks, so this is the best we could do. But man. I fell in love with Caravaggio on this trip.

Ho hum, killed a giant, whatevs. Seriously though, this was gorgeous.

Seeing this in person filled me with awe. Also Judith took zero shit.

Heyyyyy, I’m Bacchus bitches.

These are the back sides of Rafael’s finished work. They were perhaps more fascinating then the finished portraits on the other side.

What the hell is that?

Yeah, just another random room in the Uffizi

Yet another random ceiling in the Uffizi

Oh you know, just a random ceiling in the Uffizi

Now there’s a David replica there with another statue that’s questioning his choices.

Outside the Uffizi where the statue of David use to be

Another Random Street in Florence

Random street in Florence

March 8, 2019
by allthenamesaretakensothisisreallyreallylong 2 Comments

This isn’t the feeling I expected to have

Michael Cohen basically admitted in his testimony that 45’s presidential run was intended as a spectacular publicity stunt. He didn’t expect to get the nomination. He didn’t expect to win.

This was what I suspected, but never expected to have confirmed. I don’t think 45 is terribly smart, but I think he’s smart enough to know he’s sitting a top a mountain of dirty laundry that really wouldn’t hold up to scrutiny in both his businesses and private life. But his own narcissism would allow him to bow out, so here we are.

I never expected this confirmation, but I thought if it ever came I would feel smug about having my theory confirmed. I don’t feel smug. I am sad and disappointed.

This is about to wander. My dad was my favorite person, partially because he would put on puppet shows for me and loved to play with me as much as I him, but also partially because my mom had mental issues and was remote and less interactive. My dad worked long hours, and I cherished the short minutes I had with him. He would pull up a chair for me to stand on in the kitchen so I could “help” him make pancakes. He taught me to treat other people the way I wished to be treated. He taught me to drive. Because my mom was so reclusive, he taught me every thing I know about how to be in the world.

It’s almost inexplicable that the man I knew, the man who did those things, were he alive today would be completely devoted to Donald Trump. He would be so deep in that con that I would struggle to recognize who I was looking at. And this knowledge embarrasses me.

My life got bigger than where I grew up. It got bigger than the small sphere my parents were comfortable moving in. It was exquisitely painful when I realized how small my larger than life father had become. It made me feel wretched to hear his lapses in judgment and his lack of intellectual curiosity.

He would have been particularly susceptible to the snake oil 45 is selling. He loved Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. He rarely encountered people different from himself. He would have been so, so easy to con.

It breaks my heart to see my dad as a whole person, flaws and all. I grieved for who my child’s perception built up and my adult’s perception tore down. I grieved for what an easy mark the man who gently carried me from the car while I was sleeping and tucked me in bed ended up being.

And here I am, technically correct, and so, so sad for it.

Side note: I really hate Facebook as a corporate actor. I am trying to reduce what I share there. I think I will blog a bit more.

August 30, 2018
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Generational Thoughts on John McCain alternate Shut it Millennials

I had to unpack this thing because I was having a bunch of fee fees, and I couldn’t suss out why. In the wake of John McCain’s death I saw a whole mess of liberals around my age or older expressing appreciation for various things John McCain did, from his service and internment, to his various breaks with his party, to his admirable correction of a supporter telling him that Obama was a Muslim. Then I saw a wave of mostly millennials raging that people were expressing gratitude for some behaviors of a man who also did shitty things.

And I wanted to strangle the millennials a little. I think my irritation stems from three things. First, tearing someone down for expressing gratitude is gross. There’s so little that’s positive on the internet, and proudly taking a giant shit one someone saying they appreciate something is destructive.

Second, the man has been dead for like a couple days. So maybe the moment to rant about his shitty choices isn’t on the day he dies? It’s in poor taste to light a fire up the asses of his family before he’s in the ground. He’s dead and cannot hear your rage. Instead your criticism can only act on his family. There will be like infinity days after he’s buried to talk about why he was an ass. And there’s plenty of cannon fodder there. See the note at the bottom for excellent criticisms of McCain.

Third, John McCain’s death made me feel genuinely sad. But I don’t think that sadness was directly about him. His death reminded me that at one time, in the what now feels like a very distant past, I believed conservatives sincerely wanted America to succeed and only differed on how to get there. Further, I thought they accepted that I, a queer, and other people not exactly like them, could share in that success, because they valued the principles of liberty more than they were bigoted against people different from themselves.

In light of the recent past a strong argument can be made that this belief was wrong then, and that the only thing that’s changed is what’s observable vs hidden. And losing that comforting but false belief is painful. We typically believe that revealing the truth is positive, but I think it’s more like Shiva. While it does spur growth, it only does so after scorching the earth and mass destruction first.

Casualties of this truth revealed are my relationships with friends and family. And it makes reaching across this disconnection feel less and less tenable. And I know reaching across it is the only way to come to understanding. But this has eroded my faith that they can or will ever hear me.

I suspect this sadness is just beyond reach behind the gen xer’s responses to John McCain’s death. I know that’s where my sadness is coming from. It’s not really about McCain himself, but what he’d come to represent to me.

Millennials seem to regularly step on rakes when they are intellectually correct but emotionally wrong. Their criticism of McCain’s actions are correct. But slapping gen exers in the face with your truth bombs while they are mourning the loss of connection and security aren’t going to get you a medal. Let people express gratitude for the good things a flawed human did. Let McCain’s body cool before you attack his legacy. Let people have a sad. Chill the fuck out. You’re exhausting this cranky Xer.

If you want to hear what I think are the best criticisms of McCain’s actions check out this podcast. TLDL: they conclude that the worst aspect of his legacy is adding Sarah Palin to his ticket as she is a prelude to 45. Her complete lack in policy knowledge or vision for how to succeed coupled with dog-whistle resentment politics made her, not a pit bull in lipstick, but 45 in drag.

https://art19.com/shows/the-weeds/episodes/e9ac3738-3e2a-4695-9d72-c3d36a3e5417/embed?theme=light-custom

April 4, 2018
by allthenamesaretakensothisisreallyreallylong 1 Comment

Random Thoughts: Facebook Is a Utility

I listened to Ezra Klein’s podcast in which he interviewed Mark Zuckerberg yesterday. And there were a couple of things that troubled me. First, I was concerned to hear how quickly Mark Zuckerberg dismissed Ezra’s concerns around one of Zuckerberg’s, and therefor Facebooks’s, assumptions. The assumption is that a more connected and interacting world will result in a better world. Second, he brushed aside any suggestion that his current business model is incompatible with his stated goal of improving peoples lives based on the assumption just referenced.

What I heard was unexamined assumptions. Those are incredibly dangerous. If the road to hell is paved with good intentions the map itself is set out with unexamined assumptions.

Thanksgiving. Unless you have grown into having the exact same values as your whole family, this word should tell you that closer isn’t always better. While there are many aspects of this holiday I enjoy, it’s also a mine field of choosing between living your authentic self and avoiding unnecessary conflict.

There’s always at least one person who cannot gracefully handle conflict. Maybe your aunt is the lady who decided she would rather be right than be in relationships, rarely a choice that’s made consciously, rather one that springs from insecurity. And there’s always at least one person with fringe political believes who won’t respond kindly to any criticism of them. With these folk, the distance is precisely why you can manage Thanksgiving with them.

And that distance? It’s exactly what disappeared when Uncle Bob friended you on Facebook and started sharing link from freedom.eagle.com.ru twenty times a day during the last election. Now, you’ve got him 365 days of the year. Only now, his funny toasts and football commentary that you actually enjoy at Thanksgiving is drowned out in his political rage.
Some of the reasons we compartmentalize our lives are relationship sustaining rather than inhibiting.

I haven’t even touched the fact that psychologists are starting to put out research suggesting that time spent socializing though our phones doesn’t yield the same positive physiological results as face to face interaction. Nor have I touched on the FOMO effect that makes people less happy when they spend an excessive amount of time on social media. This gets around to the second worrying thing in that interview.

Facebook’s business model has been brought under more scrutiny since the Cambridge Analytica issue. Facebook makes money by selling us its users and our mountain of information and our attention. They have clear incentives to addict us to living in their app. Zuckerberg dismissed this as a real concern based on his assertion, which is that connected is better.

I don’t necessarily think Zuckerberg has mal-intent. But I am very troubled by the gaps in his thinking. He’s holding a stunning about of global power, and that interview demonstrated to me that he’s not intellectually rigorous enough to wield it. I think it’s time to consider regulating social media as a utility. I don’t know that the government will have any good ideas on what to do next either, but I don’t feel comfortable allowing shareholders and Zuckerberg to continue to hold all of the control.

March 31, 2018
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100 Books While 40: OUT OF AFRICA

Title: OUT OF AFRICA
Author: Isak Dinesen
Published: 1937

When I try to imagine interacting with a foreigner who acts and speaks in a way that lays bare their assumed ownership of my homeland and my unending indentured servitude to them I simply cannot. This is so far from my lived reality that I simply cannot put myself in that space. And that is my privilege.

This book is soaked in colonialism and entitlement. The entire continent of Africa, including all of its people is just a thing for the consumption of wealthy, affected Europeans looking to tell their peers of their exotic adventures. All the genuinely affectionate and beautiful prose dedicated to the beauty of the country and its people is soured because I cannot forget for even a moment how the continent’s present has been shaped by its past exploitation.

I’m sure my awareness was driven by my recent listening to Seeing White, a series on the Scene on Radio podcast. I cannot recommend this podcast enough, but be prepared to feel unsettled. At it’s core, that podcast made me confront what the real legacy of whiteness is. And in short it’s exploitation, theft, and power. And the only reason we can pretend that’s not the case is because we wrote history and cast ourselves in the hero role.

I am struck now by how desperate we, and by we I mean white people, are to hold on to that hero role. White men are clinging to their armories even in the face of their children dying because it furthers their hero fantasies. What an incredible thing. We love our stories more than our kids.

I was so relieved when I reached the last page of this book. You don’t need to read this book. The same delusions in the book are still acting on us today.

March 21, 2018
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Hawaii Is Beautiful Day 5

We visited Kona Joe’s coffee farm in the morning and snorkeled in the afternoon. Kona is the dry side of the big island, and we were treated to warm sunshine and cool breezes the whole day. The pictures in this post are from the coffee plantation because I am still feeling overwhelmed by the videos and pictures we have off the Go Pro that we used while snorkeling.

Here’s a thing I already knew but had confirmed. Kona coffee is a little to light bodied for me. It was fun to have a French press with freshly roasted coffee and look over the gorgeous vista, but the view was the real treat.

Coffee plants. The most important thing, really.

Kona Joe’s three roasts. Light, dark, and espresso.

Kona Joe’s – Kona

I want to see this machine in action.

He was clearly looking for morning snacks.

Kona Joe’s – Kona

Here’s all the green beans. They roast just in time, so they don’t have a large inventory of roasted beans.

These are roasted beans packaged for shipment.

The beans have just left the roaster and are being cooled.

Kona Joe’s – Kona

In the field below we saw a number of wild turkeys. They were too far away to shoot, and a little obscured by the coffee plants.

Teeny, tiny blossom that will eventually become a coffee cherry if fertilized.

The Aloha Theater in Kona. There was a music shop across the street where I tried out some ukes and heard about the local music scene from the shop owner. Apparently good drummers are hard to come by everywhere.

Kona Joe’s – Kona

There were orchids all over the islands. Prior to this I have only ever seen them in greenhouses or homes.

When you are enjoying your morning coffee and looking at this life is so, so good.

Kona Joe’s – Kona

Old timey film projector. This was outside what appeared to be a theater originally.

This is the bean sorter, which basically sorts by size. The mother beans are the biggest and are used for mulch. They are typically just an outer shell without any innards and have little flavor.

I saw this little guy while we were waiting for lunch at Rebel Kitchen. It was a short walk from Kona Joe’s.

Kona Joe’s – Kona

Yaaaaaaaaasssssssss.

March 20, 2018
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Hawaii Is Beautiful Day 4

On the big island, we were fortunate enough to go on a bike tour of Volcanoes National Park. It was the only part of the islands we visited where we got to see plants native to the islands that weren’t brought by the earliest settlers. Invasive plants cover most of the islands, so seeing the native forest was haunting and magical. Plus, we saw lava spurting out of one of the volcanos, and it’s not every day that you get to see earth being born.

This day was so great, that the whole trip would have been worth it for me on its own.

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In case you want to get a better look at any of the shots in the slide show here they are below.

Volcanos National Park – Hilo

March 19, 2018
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Hawaii Is Beautiful Day 3

Parts of Jurassic Park were filed here. This is also the home of grass-fed happy bovines. The bunker from Lost is in here, that they said was enhanced significantly with CGI. I didn’t watch the show, so I cannot comment. The sights at this ranch are breath-taking. Enjoy!

Kualoa Ranch – Oahu

March 18, 2018
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Hawaii Is Beautiful Day 2: Buddhists To The Rescue

After the grinding tour guide and the emotional gulag that was Pearl Harbor, we recuperated at a Buddhist temple. The peace on the grounds of the temple is impossible to write about. It felt like a soothing balm to my fractured emotions.

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

Buddhist temple – Oahu

Pearl Harbor, Buddhist temple & misc sights – Oahu

March 18, 2018
by allthenamesaretakensothisisreallyreallylong 1 Comment

Hawaii Is Beautiful Day 2 and Ambivalent Feels About Pearl Harbor

I learned two critical things about myself as an adult on this day. First, my introvert energy can be drained completely on a tour bus, and my emotional capacity to visit war memorials is quite limited. Formidable challenges shouldn’t be allowed on vacation.

There are all these laws around distracted driving. No cell phones. No drinking. The thinking here is that driving takes up most of our mental bandwidth if done well and safely. Which partially explains why our driver who was doubling as our tour guide had a terrible case of verbal diarrhea.

The volume of his voice was just shy of being painful, a volume that was probably too low for some of the low-mobility, geriatric patrons. Although I am skilled at tuning ambient noise out, the volume forced my attention to his every word. And his words were few and often repeated.

He wanted us to know how quickly the land on Oahu has developed by pointing out each and every parcel of land that used to be sugar cane. This block? Sugar cane. Five minutes later, sugar cane. By lunch I could personally chart out every square mile of Oahu. Sugar cane.

He told us a maudlin story of a young married couple and what they can and cannot afford. By his 12th time telling the story, we all knew the couple would be moving back in with their parents. He told us the average home price in Waikiki 54 times.

By the time I got off the bus at Pearl Harbor, Jeannine and I were at introvert energy level zero. Neither of us had visited a war memorial since high school. We didn’t yet know that this wasn’t a great state to be in to confront the emotional gauntlet that was Pearl Harbor.

As a kid, I wasn’t critical of the way in which our government has used military power. I didn’t yet know The Gulf of Tonkin was a lie. I didn’t yet know the origins of The Spanish American War was a lie. I hadn’t yet watched the drumbeat to invade Iraq get reinforced by all of our media, including the “fake news” sectors. I didn’t yet understand the way in which capitalist desires drove the need to enforce “freedom” on nations that were resisting our exploitation.

This awakening? It makes the pride dripping off our war memorials taste bitter. And although I was aware of the change in my perception, I failed to think about how that might affect my experience at Pearl Harbor.

We walked by war planes, and we boarded destroyers. When I look at millions of dollars in technology that serves only one purpose, killing people, I am not awestruck with our power. I see a profound breakdown in humanity.

I want to be clear, I recognize the attack at Pearl Harbor was unprovoked. And the men and women who died that day didn’t deserve the end they met. I also recognize of the wars we’ve been party to WWII was objectively necessary. I also recognize that men and women who serve make sacrifices for the rest of us.

However, the honor and reverence that we confer upon our troops is often used to shield our foreign policy from criticism. And this is a big fucking problem. The same men who were in a state of blissful adoration on the site of the Arizona will call anyone suggesting we remove troops from Afghanistan traitors. And if you would ask these men what exactly we are trying to achieve in Afghanistan, they couldn’t answer the question. This blithe ignorance is a problem. We dress up that failure to think in the robes of patriotism.

These were the thoughts and feelings Jeannine and I wrestled with when we took these pictures. I thought about the ~1000 men who died there. I also thought about the ~200K who died Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I thought about the ~132K who died in the fire bombing of Dresden. I thought about the 132K civilians who died in Iraq and Afghanistan. I thought about the ~60K US soldiers and ~2 million Vietnamese civilians who died.

There are no victories here. Only loss.